Round 4: Day 7

This morning I had to go to the Dr. to get labs, some of my counts are coming up nicely (hint:  it’s not the WBC):

WBC:  1.7

Hgb:  10.something

Platelets:  150’ish

They didn’t give me a print out, but just said the numbers to me real quick.  Hence all the ‘ish’s and somethings.  I go back on Friday morning to get more labs and then to get my second lumbar puncture of this round.  2/5 of this round… I can’t wait until we’re done with this.  John & I were laying in bed last and night and I said “I wonder what would happen if I just decided I’m not going to keep doing all of this chemo… then we just deal with it if I relapse”.  It just feels like it’s going to last forever.  I know it’s only a few more months of hard stuff and then maintenance for a couple years… and in 5 years I’ll look back and remember it was hard, but it was just something I had to do to get better… but right now I just feel worn out.  My body is tired and I feel frustrated that I can’t plan or control anything.  Weddings are a prime example.  Some of my dear, close friends are getting married this summer/ fall and it just pisses me off that I don’t know if I’ll be able to go.  Nebraska, Virginia and even as close as De Soto, I don’t know for sure.  It’s hard to even let people come visit with the timing of some of the treatments I have to do, like the spinal tap this Friday.  I try to keep the blog mostly positive, but sometimes I just need to vent.  Take it out on someone other than John and my Mom.  🙂

This past weekend was nice, we spent a lot of time with the family.  Friday and Saturday morning Shannon and Kevin had a garage sale at their house and were generous enough to donate the money to us.  We want to thank them, and Jim & Maureen as well, for all of their work.  Friday night we went out to eat with Shannon & Kevin then they came over to watch a movie, we ended up watching The Jerk. (He hates those cans!)  Jim, Amy & the kids came over for a few minutes to say goodbyes;  Jim had to go back to Iraq Saturday morning.  He should be home for a year starting in August, so at least his family doesn’t have to go that long before they get to see him again.  Saturday evening we went over to Shannon & Kevin’s house and they grilled for us and the whole family, that was a nice relaxing evening.  Sunday morning Ry-Guy and I hung out until around noon, when I took him over to Cindy’s to play for a few hours.  I went over to my friend Kayti’s house for lunch along with Heather.  We are going to try to have lunch at one of our houses every Sunday afternoon.  We used to eat lunch together every weekday when we worked together and now it’s hard for us to get together as often so we are trying to lock down a set time/place for us to see each other.  And Sunday afternoons are perfect for me since John always has to work and I would have a few extra hands/ eyes on Ryan.  When John got off work we went over to Chris & Cindy’s for dinner.  Their friends (and I’d like to think our friends too) Doug & Mary were there as well.  Chris made prime rib, roasted potatoes and carrots.. there was bread, pasta salad, potato mozzarella salad, and cake.  It was delicious.

Random Notes of Interest:

I finished Eat, Pray, Love and started The Reader. I have watched every available episode of Weeds on Netflix and have started on Dexter.  I downloaded a song I heard today that made me happy.  Here are some lyrics and a link to download the song if you so choose.

Man oh man you’re my best friend,
I scream it to the nothingness,
There ain’t nothing that I need.

Ahh Home. Let me go home.
Home is wherever I’m with you.
Ahh Home. Let me go ho-oh-ome.
Home is where I’m alone with you.

Home – Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

And finally, a picture of my beautiful baby boy in black & white.

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9 thoughts on “Round 4: Day 7

    • Laura I admire and thank you for opening up some of how you feel. It blows so many of my life’s beliefs. But I do know that you can’t plan your life. I can’t understand how BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE! I acually have a book with that title. I also have thinking about songs a lycis for day’s. Can’t sleep well. What the Hell happened to our worlds. But one good thing Dustin does care about something!!! He was wonderful with the event. Cassie is a great person. Your almost like a sister to Dustin he really cares! Allen did a great job! We all enjoyed it! He is so funny and talented. The event was truly amazing!! We love you!

  1. Hang in there, and never apologize for venting (aka. being human). Your attitude is so over-the-top positive so much of the time…even strong people have their moments! Praying the “lp” goes well and your numbers continue to come up. 🙂

  2. Laura,

    I’m so amazed that you so rarely vent. I am positive John and your mom are strong enough to take it. Don’t keep the negativity inside.

    I totally understand your frustration. We ALL want you at each function this summer. If you are able, our house is always open for you and your family.

    We love you.

  3. Laura, just my personal opinion here, but I think venting is just as heathy as having a positive outlook. Sometimes the crummies get you down and you just need to vent. So VENT AWAY! And yes, let’s both try to give our moms a break from time to time. 🙂

  4. Hang in there baby doll! Cannot imagine what you are going through, must be a tough road to travel. Don’t give up honey!! Many love you and are praying for a quick maintenance program!! Your mom and John are pretty amazing and I agree with Stacy, venting is just as healthy as the amazing, wonderful positive outlook you always have.

  5. Frankly, I’m amazed you don’t vent more! Your blog is always so positive, even when you’re venting. One minute you’re upset, and the next you’re telling us about delicious foods and posting pics of your adorable boy. You really are an inspiration.

  6. You hang in there don’t ever apologize or feel bad for venting you need to it helps. If you ever want to talk email me sampsonkathy@att.net or call (636)208-8297. I miss you and hopefully here in the near future will be able to see you.

    Love you

    Kathy

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